JOKE OR ANTI-JOKE?

-A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
-What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
-There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence. As he jumped down her sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
-I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.
-The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.
-What is Bruce Lee’s favourite drink? Wataaaaah!
-The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
-You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.
-If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.
-So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
-A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.
-Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
-Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.
-How does NASA organise their company parties? They planet.
-Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
-What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
-Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.
-Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!
-Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was a well-known six offender.
-What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
-My friend recently got crushed by a pile of books, but he’s only got his shelf to blame.
-What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? Feyoncé.
-Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.
-How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a light bulb? Let’s go play on our bikes.
-What do you call dangerous precipitation? A rain of terror.
-Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and asks “How do you drive this thing?”
-Why can’t a bike stand on its own? It’s two tired.
-Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie? Because he was too far out man!
-Last night I almost had a threesome, I only needed two more people!
-What do you call a big pile of kittens? A meowntain.
-Just went to an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
-When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
-I wrote a song about a tortilla. Well actually, it’s more of a wrap.
-What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
-How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
-PMS should just be called ovary-acting.
-Marketing companies should use chromosomes in advertisements because sex cells.
-Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.
-Learn sign language, it’s very handy.
-I started a band called 999 Megabytes – we haven’t gotten a gig yet.
-You want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it’s pretty cheesy.
-What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
-Dry erase boards are remarkable.
-Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.
-How do you make Holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
-What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow? I have no idea but I wouldn’t try milking it.
-How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne? The blind try to read your face.